You Do Not Need Any More Amazon Links

And yet here I am with some anyway!

[What in the world? Two newsletters in two days? After no newsletters for four months? This thing is like a rollercoaster!]

Listen, I hate the overwhelming frenzy of consumerism that is Prime Day as much as anyone else. I read something yesterday that was like “by the way, you know you don’t have to buy anything on Prime Day” and I was like, hell yeah I don’t! And honestly, I actually rarely ever do; I can find my own bargains, thank you very much! Did you not know that hunting down good deals is a sport to me, Bezos? A sport in which I have earned several gold medals and a host of personal records?!

That said, there are actually a few things that are a legitimate good deal this year, as I discovered yesterday when I had a little browse just in case, and it is my duty as a person who loves both saving money and recommending things to inform you of them. Rest assured, I do not understand the Amazon Affiliate Program and do not have enough patience to sign up for it and embed my cookies in your computer or whatever (ooh missus, buy a girl dinner first!), so I am making exactly zero dollars and zero cents if you buy any of these things, I’m just trying to be a pal. Also I’m procrastinating on the actual things I need to get done today during the seventeen minutes that my kid is at camp, because this is more fun.

Korres Lip Butter Stick, $14.40 (normally $18)

I bought one of these Korres lip balms when I was in Greece last year — just super casually, like at the pharmacy or something — and it was so perfect that I eked it out for 11 agonizing months until a few weeks ago when I realized they actually sold them in many places in the U.S. too, at which point I felt like a fool and ordered a new one and used it flagrantly and with abandon. It’s the most wonderful lip product I have ever used: buildable color, lasts for ages, smooth and not sticky, plus cute packaging too. I bought my sister one in Greece as well and she was also obsessed with it. (I like the Mulberry color, she likes Mediterranean Grape.) So imagine my excitement to see them on sale on Prime Day! Still not as cheap as what I paid in Greece ($10-ish), but enough of a discount to feel smug about it.

Tineco Floor ONE S5 Vacuum Mop, $289 (normally $499)

Remember when I recommended this vacuum mop because I am the hip sort of person with a favorite vacuum mop? I believe I said it was the best thing I had spent money on in 2023, and I still stand behind that claim. While I got a great Black Friday price on mine, I think this may even be a slightly better deal! So if you are also a middle-aged thrillseeker such as myself and were considering treating yourself to this piece of wizardry, now’s the time! (I will come over and empty your dirty water tank myself, my god, it is SO satisfying.)

Nodpod Gentle Pressure Sleep Mask, $25.50 (normally $34)

Okay, this one is just really irritating; I literally bought one of these weighted sleep masks last week for my husband and now they’re on sale. I know I have sung the praises of these before, but I legitimately cannot fall sleep without mine anymore and I am strongly considering buying a backup, like people who buy an identical version of their toddler’s favorite stuffed animal (RIP, Mr. Chubby Nuggets, the adorable dog stuffy that my younger child clearly named in a fever dream.)

MaisoNovo Mounted Shampoo, Conditioner, & Bodywash Bottles, $31 (normally $39)

Okay, nobody needs this, obviously. But I bought this set of shampoo/conditioner/body wash dispensers for my outdoor shower, and nothing has ever made me feel more in control of my life. It’s giving fancy. It’s giving spa. It’s giving off-brand-Aesop-if-you-squint. I mean, ask yourself: could a person with these in their shower be suffering from crippling existential ennui? (Well yes, sure, of course she could! Never judge a book by the way she stores her shower products, as the old saying goes. Still! Aren’t these fun?)

Bee’s Knees Salted Honey, $11.99 (normally $14.99)

I know, $12 for honey is still kind of a lot. You don’t even have to say it. I already agree. But please understand that this is the most amazing thing you will ever drizzle on your Fage 2% Greek yogurt and it will delight you every single day. Salted honey! COME ON. This is my preferred breakfast (or afternoon snack or late-night sweet treat) and I cannot get enough of it. Have I brought a bottle in my purse to the local fro-yo place, much to the embarrassment of my entire family, so I can pour it over my cup of plain tart frozen yogurt? Oh, you know I have. And now you’re going to do the same.