Ready As I'll Ever Be

I have purchased an emergency bag of cheese and caramel popcorn at Costco

Over the last anxious week in the run-up to the election, I have gone against basically every piece of advice I’ve read about how to stay calm. “Minimize your exposure to media”? Baby, I am flitting between every conceivable piece of media all day long. “Don’t put any stock in the polls”? I can’t help it, I keep checking them anyway. “Try not to self-soothe with substances”? Not even kidding, I stress-ate so many pistachios on Saturday that I literally cracked a portion of my front tooth opening the shells.

[I once met Alison Brie (Trudy in this clip from Mad Men) in an airport security line at London Heathrow, and she was extremely nice and extremely beautiful. We bonded over having the same Caudalie Beauty Elixir Hydrating Facial Mist in our plastic airport security bins, then she called after me when I left the line because I’d forgotten my work laptop in the excitement of meeting her. Thanks for helping me not get fired, Alison Brie!]

This will only be the second time I’ve voted in a U.S. election (I became a citizen in 2019), and I feel mostly sick with fear about it. Well, feeling sick with fear about it is my baseline, but occasionally I allow myself a tiny little morsel of hope, just as a sneaky little treat, the way another person might ration out a square of dark chocolate after dinner. Just a little can you imagine…..? as a teaser, and then I make my brain shut down before I jinx it all and lose the election for everyone. (Ever kept a plane aloft with only your mind? Exactly the same mechanics! You’re welcome, everyone on every 747 I’ve ever flown across a major body of water on.)

So! I’ve made a plan to vote (tomorrow, in person, for maximum **vibes**) and I’ve made a plan for what we’ll have for dinner (sheet pan sliders from the new Caroline Chambers cookbook, a quantity of red wine that will change as the electoral map changes.) I have signed up for a Pilates class tomorrow afternoon to physically restrain myself from checking my phone for an hour — can’t use your hands for anything else if they’re holding you up in a plank! — and I have read up on all the California props and local candidates I need to vote on, so that I feel as informed as I can in the voting booth. I am definitely going to stress-bake several things rich in carbohydrates. I am definitely going to have desk drawers more organized than any desk drawers I have ever had before. Beyond that, who can say? I feel like I’m bracing for something. I think everyone does.