Friday Five: Four Things I'm Loving and One Thing I'm Not

Skip if you don't care about lip gloss or candles

You know what this Substack needs? An effort towards continuity! Back when I wrote a blog, I started a thing called Bad Decision Tuesday, where I found a hilariously awful photo of myself — in which I had made some sort of fashion or beauty-related faux pas (easy because this is every photo of anyone who has ever lived through the 1980s) — and then lovingly critiqued it on (you guessed it) a Tuesday. It was fun! Not fun enough that I want to resurrect it, but it was nice to have some sort of regular “thing.”

So here’s a new regular thing — every Friday (every Friday? I don’t know, let’s play that one by ear), I’m going to recommend four things I’m enjoying and one thing I’m not. There are no parameters beyond that, and you can skip it if this sort of thing isn’t your jam, but I always love hearing what other people are buying and reading and eating and watching, so maybe you do too.

(These are not affiliate links, because I have no idea how to do that, but if I ever figure it out and include a link where I make seven cents if you buy something, I’ll make that super clear!)

1. First up: a delicious yogurt with a lot of protein and not a lot of sugar.

Whoa, hold onto your hats, lads — starting off very glamorously with YOGURT. The thing about yogurt is that I like yogurt, but I don’t like how much sugar some yogurt has. I also don’t like how you then try to buy a low-sugar yogurt and it just tastes gross and artificial. I have solved this very pressing problem by buying Two Good yogurts, which I found at Target but I’m sure you can get other places. They’re just sweet enough that my kids think they’re getting away with something, but I like that they don’t have any added sugar, I like that they don’t taste “fake,” and I like that there’s enough protein that they keep me full. This morning, I had a vanilla one with a handful of shelled pistachios tossed in and it was sweet/salty heaven. (Vanilla is my fave, but lemon is good too. It will come as a surprise to nobody that they also make a pumpkin flavor this time of year, and that is delicious as well.)

2. Speaking of pumpkins, have you bought the required fall-themed candle you are obligated to light the minute the calendar flips from August to September?

You know what? I don’t care how basic it makes me, I love a pumpkin candle. Last year, I picked this one up from Target on a whim and I loved it so much that I tried to buy another one a few weeks later and they were all sold out. So this year, I bought three the minute they hit the shelves — two for me and one for my sister. While I have only tried the orange one, there is also a green one and a white one, and I don’t mind telling you that I’m going to buy them too. The smell is amazing, the throw is good and the vessel is cute: a perfect candle trifecta!

3. If you haven’t watched this TV show yet, I’m jealous of you because I want to go back to a time where I have every episode ahead of me still.

When I saw the trailers for Platonic on Apple TV, I was very “eh” about it. But I watched it on a whim and it is hilarious! I loved it so much. I have a soft spot for Seth Rogen because once when I was 9 months pregnant and double-fisting two cups of frozen yogurt at the Sweet Shop on the Facebook campus (a dessert parlor in which everything was free, honestly it now feels like a dream I once had), I turned around and bumped RIGHT INTO Seth Rogen and he was lovely and charming and didn’t make the obvious “eating for two” joke that was literally right there in front of him.

(Side note, the Facebook/Instagram campus was a hotbed of celebrity sightings! In my time working there, I saw Lena Dunham, Jerry Seinfeld, Selena Gomez, Garth Brooks, and the guy who hosts “To Catch a Predator.” Once someone texted me that Jared Leto was on campus and even though I had already walked back in the door of my house in San Francisco after a nightmarish 90-minute commute, I legitimately plotted out on Apple Maps how long it would take me to get back to Menlo Park during rush hour. I would’ve done it too, but apparently Jared Leto left shortly thereafter. Was he looking for Tino? Did he have a Frozen Embryos gig? Do I understand that Jared Leto is a real person and Jordan Catalano is a fictional character? Unclear.)

Anyway! This show is wonderful. It’s funny and clever and sharp and relatable, and I have taken so many screenshots of Rose Byrne’s PERFECT hair in it that I’m sure the CIA cyber crimes unit has a slim file on me somewhere. Wait, let’s just look at one picture of her hair. Okay, two:

Ma’am, the word “bronde” was invented for you.

4. The perfect lip gloss doesn’t exist, but here’s one I keep buying because it’s pretty close. (Did you think I was going to say “the perfect lipgloss doesn’t exi—” and then show you this one? I apologize.)

Listen, I have been on a lifelong quest to find the perfect rosy-ish lipgloss — that color that makes it look like your lips are just slightly chapped. I have, at times, come very close, but then it’s been discontinued (RIP, Cover Girl Lipslick in Berry) or it’s just been too expensive a habit to maintain (RIP, Ilia Arabian Knights) or it keeps breaking off in the tube (RIP, Kosas Rosewater).

Recently, I’ve started wearing the Cover Girl Tinted Lip Balm in Life is Pink, and listen, I’m not saying this one is perfect, but it costs like $4 so I can have them scattered around the house and in my purse and in my car, and I’ve had a suspicious number of compliments on it since I started wearing it. I know it looks crazy in the tube but it’s actually a very soft, unassuming wash of color when you put it on — it just kind of makes your lips look better. (This is the best color, or at least it’s the best color I’ve tried. I found Berry Bliss a little too 90s for me, and that’s saying something because I love the 90s, and You’re The Pom and I Cherry-ish You were a little too red. How many brain cells do you think I have left after typing all those dumb names?)

And now it’s time for the thing I didn’t love: a Left on Friday bikini that I felt sure I would be into, but which only made me look like I was wearing an adult diaper.

Okay, people love these swimsuits. I felt sure I would love this swimsuit too, even though it’s a lot more than I usually spend on a swimsuit, but I thought about it and thought about it and thought about it, and finally, right before I left for Greece, they had a very, very good sale and I was like screw it, I love a deal, and I took the plunge. In a very cinematic turn of events, the package arrived a few hours before I left for my trip, so I ripped it open, tried it on, and was like……wait, am I wearing Depends?

I don’t know, maybe a high-waisted bikini bottom works for many people, but it was really not a look that worked for me. The top was cute, though nothing special, but the bottoms (the Hi-Tide, pictured above) were just not doing anything for me. Did I get the wrong kind? Did I get it too small? Too big? I don’t know. I just know I am in the minority, because the reviews are raves, and everyone I know IRL who has one loves it too. Live and learn, I guess? Their customer service was very nice when I returned it, I will say that.

Okay, that’s the end of the inaugural Friday Five — four hits, one not-a-hit. (There’s gotta be a catchier way to say that. Four wins, one washout? Four studs, one dud? Four great, one I hate? Yeah, I think I should keep workshopping.)